I'm feeling pretty good today. Things are starting to pick up at work, which means busier days. I'm starting in a new position ... a woman who worked in our department for 26 years is retiring and I put in for her job. It's going to be a lot of work, as she handled some of our largest accounts, but I'm excited about the opportunity. I'm also scared stiff. I only found out that I got her job Monday, and her last day is tomorrow. I'm overwhelmed and extremely nervous about next week. I know I'll get through it, but it's gonna be rough!
I found out yesterday that I won a first-place award from the West Virginia Press Association for the column I wrote when I was editor of a small newspaper. The association hosts a contest each year for all of the state's newspapers. I've done well in the past, earning a few first- and second-place awards for news, feature and lifestyle writing. And I've always been excited about them, because having your hard work recognized on such a large scale provides such a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. I work in an industry where recognition and appreciation are hard to come by, so it's nice to experience that once in a while. This year, though, I was even more excited than I have been about any other awards. I think it's because this time around, I was totally on my own with my work. I was editor of that rinky dink newspaper, flung out there all on my own without the benefit of editors, mentors or even close peers. It was just me and my words. And I won. Granted, it was in a small category of small newspapers, but still.
It made me realize just how much I miss writing. I visited the Web site of my hometown paper, where I worked for three years, and read a story about the awards they earned in the same contest. The staff has changed a little since I worked there, but reading that article made me miss it so much. I know it's crazy -- ludicrous, actually -- that I'm uttering these words when all I could think about when I was there was getting out. But miss it I do. I've always loved words, and I'm a much better written communicator than I am a verbal communicator. Always have been. Steve and I have most of our major discussions via instant messenger. It gives me time to really think about what I'm saying and actually mean, rather than just shooting off my mouth.
(I know, I know ... you're reading this ramble of a post and thinking to yourself "she's a writer?" Bear with me. It's late.)
And now, for a complete change of subject. I dyed my hair tonight. It's now a chesnut brown instead of blonde/highlights. I loved my highlights, but my roots were showing somethin' fierce and I just couldn't afford to have them professionally touched up. So it was me and a box of Loreal this evening. It turned out okay. I bought some new shampoo and conditioner in hopes my hair won't be so freaking dry. So now I'm dark and silky.
And on that note, I'm going to bed. Peace out, y'all.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Ahhh
It's 9:23 p.m. I'm lounging in bed, having just climbed out of an hour-long vanilla and honey bubble bath shared with my new copy of "A Wrinkle In Time." The fan above me soothes my ears and cools my skin, and there's a fresh bottle of water within arm's reach. I'm soft, quiet and relaxed ... and wishing it could last forever.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Kicking and Screaming
It's no secret that there are some rather interesting things taking place in my life right now. And by "interesting," I mean foreign and difficult. There are days I'd rather drive my car into a telephone pole than get out of bed. (Although how one would go about driving a car into a telephone pole without first getting out of bed remains unknown). I'm in the midst of a hard-core rebellion against adulthood, and it's quite simply driving me nuts.
But for every tangle I've encountered on this wicked, twisted road to "growing up," I've discovered new morsels of hope and strength. It's kind of like I'm living my life in a Super Mario Bros. vidoe game, where you obtain a new power after accomplishing some fantastic task such as stomping a mushroom or killing King Koopa. I haven't quite encountered the King yet, but I'm working on stomping the hell out of those mushrooms.
Steve and I attended the first birthday party for the daughter of a great friend and on the drive back we were talking about our lives a year ago compared to now. I asked him if he thought he was a different person now, and of course he asked me the same. I couldn't really come up with any answers other than the obvious: living in a new place, working at a different job, blah, blah. I could've added that I weigh about 15 pounds more but who really wants to talk about that?
I thought about it long after the conversation ended and I realized that I actually have changed in the last year -- and some of those changes are pretty important. So here they are, in no particular order:
-- Started graduate school. After nearly one year, I still have a 4.0 grade point average.
-- Started a new job. Two new jobs, actually. Same company, different roles. Found out today my role will be changing yet again ... this time we hope for the better! Details to follow.
-- Permanently moved away from home. Yeah, I'm only two and a half hours away from the place I left my heart, but STILL.
-- Met and developed good relationships with two of Steve's sons. This was huge for me. K1 and N were here for the summer, and I can't even begin to tell you what an emotional roller coaster that was. It was intimidating, terrifying and hella fun and when it was all over with, I didn't throw up. Someone give me a cookie.
-- Finished another year of successful tongue biting around pseudo in-laws. Another cookie, please.
-- Finally learned to maintain a positive attitude. Well, I'm working on it, anyway. Some days are better than others.
I've learned so much about myself and this world in the past year, and I'm grateful that I've finally reached a stage in my life where I can see the the hope shining through the bad stuff. I'm very thankful for the people and things I have in my life, and I'm looking forward to writing a post like this next year, full of additional accomplishments and blessings.
But for every tangle I've encountered on this wicked, twisted road to "growing up," I've discovered new morsels of hope and strength. It's kind of like I'm living my life in a Super Mario Bros. vidoe game, where you obtain a new power after accomplishing some fantastic task such as stomping a mushroom or killing King Koopa. I haven't quite encountered the King yet, but I'm working on stomping the hell out of those mushrooms.
Steve and I attended the first birthday party for the daughter of a great friend and on the drive back we were talking about our lives a year ago compared to now. I asked him if he thought he was a different person now, and of course he asked me the same. I couldn't really come up with any answers other than the obvious: living in a new place, working at a different job, blah, blah. I could've added that I weigh about 15 pounds more but who really wants to talk about that?
I thought about it long after the conversation ended and I realized that I actually have changed in the last year -- and some of those changes are pretty important. So here they are, in no particular order:
-- Started graduate school. After nearly one year, I still have a 4.0 grade point average.
-- Started a new job. Two new jobs, actually. Same company, different roles. Found out today my role will be changing yet again ... this time we hope for the better! Details to follow.
-- Permanently moved away from home. Yeah, I'm only two and a half hours away from the place I left my heart, but STILL.
-- Met and developed good relationships with two of Steve's sons. This was huge for me. K1 and N were here for the summer, and I can't even begin to tell you what an emotional roller coaster that was. It was intimidating, terrifying and hella fun and when it was all over with, I didn't throw up. Someone give me a cookie.
-- Finished another year of successful tongue biting around pseudo in-laws. Another cookie, please.
-- Finally learned to maintain a positive attitude. Well, I'm working on it, anyway. Some days are better than others.
I've learned so much about myself and this world in the past year, and I'm grateful that I've finally reached a stage in my life where I can see the the hope shining through the bad stuff. I'm very thankful for the people and things I have in my life, and I'm looking forward to writing a post like this next year, full of additional accomplishments and blessings.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Back On Track
My big plans to use last week to get myself and my house organized? Pftz. I chose instead to spend my newly free evenings to read blogs. I love reading blogs! I love catching a glimpse into the lives of others, and all the possibilities to make new friends.
This week, I'm back on track. I finally got my kitchen cleaned last night, after arriving home from a weekend away to discover an army of ants had attacked our trash can. (But really, who could blame them, what with the leftover birthday cake and dreaded orange popsicle juice lining the bottom. Argh.) And I'm considering an illicit love affair with Mr. Clean, as his Magic Erasers are like lovesilk in my hands. Seriously. There were so many smudges, scratches and smears on my cream walls you'd have thought we had weekly pudding wrestling matches. But now? They're goonnneee, thanks to the fabulous Mr. Clean. I walked in the front door today at lunch and almost sank to my knees and sobbed in clean-entry joy.
Steve has to work a bit later this evening, so I'm going to take advantage of the alone time and (no, not that!) do some more organizing and cleaning. I've been kind of stressed and bummed out lately (as if you couldn't tell), and I find that these types of activities tend to calm me down and make me feel better. Maybe it's the sense of accomplishment they provide. Maybe I'm just OCD. Whatever the case, I'm a happy girl when my environment is clean and put-together.
I'm looking forward to the weekend, as Steve and I will be heading up to Ohio again (different city, thank God) to attend my family reunion. It's my mom's side of the fam, and they're all really fun, great people. We don't live that far away, but it's been a really long time since I've seen any of them. Then, next weekend, we're heading back to Elkins to attend the first birthday party of my good friend Erin's daughter, Emma. I'm excited about that, too, as I've only seen Emma once in her short little life. :( I have received tons of pictures, though, and she is one heck of a cutie pie.
Must run. There is work to be done!
This week, I'm back on track. I finally got my kitchen cleaned last night, after arriving home from a weekend away to discover an army of ants had attacked our trash can. (But really, who could blame them, what with the leftover birthday cake and dreaded orange popsicle juice lining the bottom. Argh.) And I'm considering an illicit love affair with Mr. Clean, as his Magic Erasers are like lovesilk in my hands. Seriously. There were so many smudges, scratches and smears on my cream walls you'd have thought we had weekly pudding wrestling matches. But now? They're goonnneee, thanks to the fabulous Mr. Clean. I walked in the front door today at lunch and almost sank to my knees and sobbed in clean-entry joy.
Steve has to work a bit later this evening, so I'm going to take advantage of the alone time and (no, not that!) do some more organizing and cleaning. I've been kind of stressed and bummed out lately (as if you couldn't tell), and I find that these types of activities tend to calm me down and make me feel better. Maybe it's the sense of accomplishment they provide. Maybe I'm just OCD. Whatever the case, I'm a happy girl when my environment is clean and put-together.
I'm looking forward to the weekend, as Steve and I will be heading up to Ohio again (different city, thank God) to attend my family reunion. It's my mom's side of the fam, and they're all really fun, great people. We don't live that far away, but it's been a really long time since I've seen any of them. Then, next weekend, we're heading back to Elkins to attend the first birthday party of my good friend Erin's daughter, Emma. I'm excited about that, too, as I've only seen Emma once in her short little life. :( I have received tons of pictures, though, and she is one heck of a cutie pie.
Must run. There is work to be done!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Be Careful What You Wish For ...
What a draining couple of days I've had.
Friday was complete madness at work. Mad. Ness. We were on lockdown most of the day until we sold enough advertising to appease the powers that be. Lockdown. Can you believe that? We weren't allowed to leave our desks until a specific amount was reached. I just started my fifth year with this particular company, and I've worked in a variety of positions at three locations. None of them have had a lasting positive impression on me (though, surprisingly, the first location was hands down the lesser of these three evils. Whodathunkit?). They invest nothing (money, time or effort) in their facilities, their equipment or their employees. I honestly believed I was making the right decision in accepting this latest job, but the second thoughts are practically tormenting me. Little devils that have infiltrated my brain ... or what's left of it. Job hunting has begun ... again. Sigh.
On Saturday we attended a Jeep "gathering" in northeastern Ohio. I won't say which city we were near, but let me tell you what ... it was a DUMP. Dark, dirty and just plain ole ugly. The Jeep thing was fun; I watched my first-ever mud bog. We met up with Steve's brother and his family late in the afternoon and walked around oohing and ahhing over various bumpers, winches, suspensions, lift kits. Well, they oohed and ahhed (and took pictures). I just stared at stuff and tried to pretend like I knew what it was. That's kind of my gig these days ... stare and pretend. Stare and pretend.
Steve's nephews were pretty excited about the whole thing, which was fun to see. Jacob got to ride on "Sergeant Smash," a giant passenger monster truck. This morning at breakfast, Garrett kept saying "Monster trucks, Jenny! Monster trucks!" I love those little guys. Jacob also said to Steve: "Hey! Where are all your kids?" I'm glad he remembers that he has cousins, as no one else bothers to acknowledge their existence.
All in all, the weekend *was* fun. We stayed in a really pretty suite, had a really nice dinner and a few drinks afterward at the hotel's bar. It was nice spending some quality time with Steve-o, as that had been lacking in recent months.
On the car ride up (and back, to an extent), I kept wondering about what the future really has in store for me. I've been in somewhat of a funk these last few months ... just being really uncertain about my life. I get scared a lot, as things just don't seem to be working out as I had hoped they would. It's no secret that I'm struggling financially, and work ... well, there is definite room for improvement. Most days I want to curl into a ball and either just sleep or cry. It's almost as if I'm being tested ... by God and the people around me. I asked God Friday morning for a calm, peaceful and successful day ... and in turn got "lockdown," an issue with an ad that didn't run, and a late notice on a bill whose payment was mailed well enough in advance. How's that for a really crappy practical joke?
All of this feels very foreign to me. I've done all the "good girl" things ... I've followed the list of expectations to the letter. High school? Check. College? Check. Honors student? Check. Working girl? Check. Kind to others? Check. Giver of second, third and fourth chances? Check, check and check. Putter-upper of shit belonging to and caused by other people? Yup ... check. Where the hell is this karma I've been hearing so much about?
I didn't start this blog to just air my complaints. This is really what's going on in my life right now. I'm working through it the best I can ... just trying to take one day at a time and, as previously noted on this blog, calm the eff down.
So right now, I'm going upstairs, climbing into bed and plugging along through my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. If nothing else, perhaps I'll learn a spell on how to change all of this craziness.
Friday was complete madness at work. Mad. Ness. We were on lockdown most of the day until we sold enough advertising to appease the powers that be. Lockdown. Can you believe that? We weren't allowed to leave our desks until a specific amount was reached. I just started my fifth year with this particular company, and I've worked in a variety of positions at three locations. None of them have had a lasting positive impression on me (though, surprisingly, the first location was hands down the lesser of these three evils. Whodathunkit?). They invest nothing (money, time or effort) in their facilities, their equipment or their employees. I honestly believed I was making the right decision in accepting this latest job, but the second thoughts are practically tormenting me. Little devils that have infiltrated my brain ... or what's left of it. Job hunting has begun ... again. Sigh.
On Saturday we attended a Jeep "gathering" in northeastern Ohio. I won't say which city we were near, but let me tell you what ... it was a DUMP. Dark, dirty and just plain ole ugly. The Jeep thing was fun; I watched my first-ever mud bog. We met up with Steve's brother and his family late in the afternoon and walked around oohing and ahhing over various bumpers, winches, suspensions, lift kits. Well, they oohed and ahhed (and took pictures). I just stared at stuff and tried to pretend like I knew what it was. That's kind of my gig these days ... stare and pretend. Stare and pretend.
Steve's nephews were pretty excited about the whole thing, which was fun to see. Jacob got to ride on "Sergeant Smash," a giant passenger monster truck. This morning at breakfast, Garrett kept saying "Monster trucks, Jenny! Monster trucks!" I love those little guys. Jacob also said to Steve: "Hey! Where are all your kids?" I'm glad he remembers that he has cousins, as no one else bothers to acknowledge their existence.
All in all, the weekend *was* fun. We stayed in a really pretty suite, had a really nice dinner and a few drinks afterward at the hotel's bar. It was nice spending some quality time with Steve-o, as that had been lacking in recent months.
On the car ride up (and back, to an extent), I kept wondering about what the future really has in store for me. I've been in somewhat of a funk these last few months ... just being really uncertain about my life. I get scared a lot, as things just don't seem to be working out as I had hoped they would. It's no secret that I'm struggling financially, and work ... well, there is definite room for improvement. Most days I want to curl into a ball and either just sleep or cry. It's almost as if I'm being tested ... by God and the people around me. I asked God Friday morning for a calm, peaceful and successful day ... and in turn got "lockdown," an issue with an ad that didn't run, and a late notice on a bill whose payment was mailed well enough in advance. How's that for a really crappy practical joke?
All of this feels very foreign to me. I've done all the "good girl" things ... I've followed the list of expectations to the letter. High school? Check. College? Check. Honors student? Check. Working girl? Check. Kind to others? Check. Giver of second, third and fourth chances? Check, check and check. Putter-upper of shit belonging to and caused by other people? Yup ... check. Where the hell is this karma I've been hearing so much about?
I didn't start this blog to just air my complaints. This is really what's going on in my life right now. I'm working through it the best I can ... just trying to take one day at a time and, as previously noted on this blog, calm the eff down.
So right now, I'm going upstairs, climbing into bed and plugging along through my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. If nothing else, perhaps I'll learn a spell on how to change all of this craziness.
Monday, July 23, 2007
The Comforts of Home
I don't know how this fits in with my girl-power attitude, but I enjoy domesticity. I like cooking, cleaning and taking care of all things related to home. I haven't gotten to do much of it lately, what with limited financial resources, work, two grad classes and a bunch of messy boys. This house is in chaos right now, and it's stressing. me. out.
A co-worker once told me that a former boss of mine had made a remark about how I "like things just so." I was angry at first (I didn't really like this particular boss), but I (begrudgingly) realize that she was right. I like order and structure in my life, and I'm at my happiest when things are neat, organized and occur as scheduled.
Today, I started going home on my lunch break. The benefits of this are numerous: it saves money, it's better for my health, and it gives me an hour to accomplish those little household odds and ends that there never seems to be time for in the evenings. I'm actually at home right now, and I've made the bed, started the dishwasher and put in a load of laundry. All of this will contribute to my sanity later this evening, as I attempt to finish my last two assignments for these courses.
I'm a terrible procrastinator.
That's something else I'm hoping to accomplish in the next few weeks ... to get on -- and stay on -- top of things. I've already warned Steve that this next week will be filled with cleaning, organizing and purging this house. We collect way too many things that we just don't need. Secondly, I'm making a vow right here and now to keep up better with my schoolwork. I've done very well as far as grades are concerned, but I wait far too long to start assignments, often pushing it off until the day it's due, then getting crazy stressed trying to get it all done. That's just stupid. It makes me feel horrible and worried, and I'm pretty sure Steve is sick of it, too, as I'm an absolute bear when I hit panic mode.
There are many aspects of my life that need maintenance. I suppose when you begin the "steady decline toward 30" (that's for you, Erin!), it's time for a routine check-up. I feel like I'm beginning that stage where you're supposed to really start getting everything together, finding out who you are and where your life is headed. It's pull-your-head-out-of-your-ass-time!
After tonight, I have a one-month break from schoolwork, and during that time I'm going to be doing a lot of thinking, a lot of cleaning, and a lot of just calming the eff down. For the last few months I've experienced this strong, nearly overwhelming urge to simplify, simplify, simplify ... in all areas. With money, with possessions, with worries, with everything. I need to learn to take my time and start enjoying the little things ... which are the best things, anyway.
Deep breath ... release. Live!
A co-worker once told me that a former boss of mine had made a remark about how I "like things just so." I was angry at first (I didn't really like this particular boss), but I (begrudgingly) realize that she was right. I like order and structure in my life, and I'm at my happiest when things are neat, organized and occur as scheduled.
Today, I started going home on my lunch break. The benefits of this are numerous: it saves money, it's better for my health, and it gives me an hour to accomplish those little household odds and ends that there never seems to be time for in the evenings. I'm actually at home right now, and I've made the bed, started the dishwasher and put in a load of laundry. All of this will contribute to my sanity later this evening, as I attempt to finish my last two assignments for these courses.
I'm a terrible procrastinator.
That's something else I'm hoping to accomplish in the next few weeks ... to get on -- and stay on -- top of things. I've already warned Steve that this next week will be filled with cleaning, organizing and purging this house. We collect way too many things that we just don't need. Secondly, I'm making a vow right here and now to keep up better with my schoolwork. I've done very well as far as grades are concerned, but I wait far too long to start assignments, often pushing it off until the day it's due, then getting crazy stressed trying to get it all done. That's just stupid. It makes me feel horrible and worried, and I'm pretty sure Steve is sick of it, too, as I'm an absolute bear when I hit panic mode.
There are many aspects of my life that need maintenance. I suppose when you begin the "steady decline toward 30" (that's for you, Erin!), it's time for a routine check-up. I feel like I'm beginning that stage where you're supposed to really start getting everything together, finding out who you are and where your life is headed. It's pull-your-head-out-of-your-ass-time!
After tonight, I have a one-month break from schoolwork, and during that time I'm going to be doing a lot of thinking, a lot of cleaning, and a lot of just calming the eff down. For the last few months I've experienced this strong, nearly overwhelming urge to simplify, simplify, simplify ... in all areas. With money, with possessions, with worries, with everything. I need to learn to take my time and start enjoying the little things ... which are the best things, anyway.
Deep breath ... release. Live!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Where Have I Been?
In a funk, that's where. A holler-like funk so deep you have to pipe in the sunshine.
N. went home Friday, one day shy of his 13th birthday. It was a difficult day for all involved, for various reasons. This particular situation is wrapped in so many emotions that I don't know where to begin, so I simply won't. I'm trying to master the art of taking one day at a time, to not worry about things until I absolutely have to. That in itself is going to be a big mountain to climb ... but I'm gonna have to do it, else I'm gonna end up driving myself bonkers.
We celebrated N.'s birthday last Sunday. While he and Steve were fishing on the Cranberry River where Steve grew up, I went shopping and found a bunch of Tony Hawk skateboarding clothes on sale at Kohl's, plus a book about rock and roll and another book of devotions for men. We're not really religious people, if you use the traditional sense of the word "religious." Our views are a bit different from some of the things organized churches would have you believe. But N.'s grandfather (Steve's dad) is a pastor, and it means a lot to him. His grandpa gave him a little New Testament Gideon Bible a few years ago, and he still carries it around with him. It's kind of like one of very few things he feels keeps him connected to his family here in West Virginia. It's very sweet ... and sometimes a little sad. Anyway, I wanted him to know that loving God and always trying to do the right thing are good things that we support, so I went ahead and picked up the book. I hope he likes it. I KNOW he loved the clothes. As soon as he opened the boxes he ripped off what he was wearing and put on his new stuff. That made my heart feel good. He's a tough one to read, so I was really worried he wouldn't like what I picked out.
After gifts we took him out for Chinese food, and then back to Kohl's for some more clothes since they were so cheap. Later, he had a few of his new friends from our complex over for homemade cake. We were going to buy him an ice cream cake or a sheet cake from the grocery store, but he requested that it be homemade. This, too, made my heart swell just a little. It reminded me of the time he said he wasn't hungry until he found out we were all going to have breakfast together around the dining room table. Like a family.
That day was one of the best we had all summer. He seemed so happy, and it was really good to see that.
Now he's back in Phoenix, and the real tests begin. We'll see how everything goes.
**My freaking sister just IM-ed me and is trying to reveal information about the last Harry Potter book. I don't care if she's handicapped. I will kill her if she doesn't quit.**
To alleviate some of the post-summer with the kids blues, Steve and I took a lovely drive up to Spruce Knob on Saturday. The day was absolutely gorgeous: blue skies, big, puffy clouds, good music and good company. That was one of the things I missed most when the kids were here ... all the quality time I usually get with Steve. (Though it was a small price to pay for having them here ... which is infintely more important.) We took some really pretty pictures from the observation tower ... the same observation tower Steve tried to get me to pee on. I was stupid and didn't use the restroom in town, and because Spruce Knob is about two thousand miles from anywhere, my bladder, she was a-burstin' by the time we made it to the top. I maintained my dignity, however, choosing instead to crawl under several feet of pine protection to do my business while Steve stood guard. I haven't peed in the woods since I was seven! We met up with Leann and Erin in Elkins for dinner and ice cream ... it was a lot of laughs, as usual!
Today has been ... melancholy, at best. I'm still really, really missing home. It was so beautiful over there yesterday. Beautiful and calm and normal. I didn't want to leave. I'm also feeling a bit blue about my new job. I was so excited about it ... and then I ended up sitting around for six weeks waiting for someone to give me a sales territory. And now ... well, I just don't know. I think perhaps I jumped the gun, made a hasty decision. I'm just not happy with it. A lot of it has to do with the self-doubt I've been carrying around with me since, oh, the first grade. So, it's back to the drawing board, as they say. I just hate all of this. I wish for once in my life I could find something good that makes me happy. Or at least makes me not dread getting out of bed. Perhaps I'm the problem ... or maybe I'm just fed up with this company. My past three jobs have been within the same company, so maybe I just need to make a break and see what the rest of the world has to offer. Or at least the greater Parkersburg-Marietta area. So, please, say a prayer. This is becoming a real problem.
I know this post is getting long, so I'll quit for tonight. My classes end tomorrow, so I'll have all kinds of time to get better at keeping you informed of the goings-on in my world. Until next time, love, peace and chicken grease.
N. went home Friday, one day shy of his 13th birthday. It was a difficult day for all involved, for various reasons. This particular situation is wrapped in so many emotions that I don't know where to begin, so I simply won't. I'm trying to master the art of taking one day at a time, to not worry about things until I absolutely have to. That in itself is going to be a big mountain to climb ... but I'm gonna have to do it, else I'm gonna end up driving myself bonkers.
We celebrated N.'s birthday last Sunday. While he and Steve were fishing on the Cranberry River where Steve grew up, I went shopping and found a bunch of Tony Hawk skateboarding clothes on sale at Kohl's, plus a book about rock and roll and another book of devotions for men. We're not really religious people, if you use the traditional sense of the word "religious." Our views are a bit different from some of the things organized churches would have you believe. But N.'s grandfather (Steve's dad) is a pastor, and it means a lot to him. His grandpa gave him a little New Testament Gideon Bible a few years ago, and he still carries it around with him. It's kind of like one of very few things he feels keeps him connected to his family here in West Virginia. It's very sweet ... and sometimes a little sad. Anyway, I wanted him to know that loving God and always trying to do the right thing are good things that we support, so I went ahead and picked up the book. I hope he likes it. I KNOW he loved the clothes. As soon as he opened the boxes he ripped off what he was wearing and put on his new stuff. That made my heart feel good. He's a tough one to read, so I was really worried he wouldn't like what I picked out.
After gifts we took him out for Chinese food, and then back to Kohl's for some more clothes since they were so cheap. Later, he had a few of his new friends from our complex over for homemade cake. We were going to buy him an ice cream cake or a sheet cake from the grocery store, but he requested that it be homemade. This, too, made my heart swell just a little. It reminded me of the time he said he wasn't hungry until he found out we were all going to have breakfast together around the dining room table. Like a family.
That day was one of the best we had all summer. He seemed so happy, and it was really good to see that.
Now he's back in Phoenix, and the real tests begin. We'll see how everything goes.
**My freaking sister just IM-ed me and is trying to reveal information about the last Harry Potter book. I don't care if she's handicapped. I will kill her if she doesn't quit.**
To alleviate some of the post-summer with the kids blues, Steve and I took a lovely drive up to Spruce Knob on Saturday. The day was absolutely gorgeous: blue skies, big, puffy clouds, good music and good company. That was one of the things I missed most when the kids were here ... all the quality time I usually get with Steve. (Though it was a small price to pay for having them here ... which is infintely more important.) We took some really pretty pictures from the observation tower ... the same observation tower Steve tried to get me to pee on. I was stupid and didn't use the restroom in town, and because Spruce Knob is about two thousand miles from anywhere, my bladder, she was a-burstin' by the time we made it to the top. I maintained my dignity, however, choosing instead to crawl under several feet of pine protection to do my business while Steve stood guard. I haven't peed in the woods since I was seven! We met up with Leann and Erin in Elkins for dinner and ice cream ... it was a lot of laughs, as usual!
Today has been ... melancholy, at best. I'm still really, really missing home. It was so beautiful over there yesterday. Beautiful and calm and normal. I didn't want to leave. I'm also feeling a bit blue about my new job. I was so excited about it ... and then I ended up sitting around for six weeks waiting for someone to give me a sales territory. And now ... well, I just don't know. I think perhaps I jumped the gun, made a hasty decision. I'm just not happy with it. A lot of it has to do with the self-doubt I've been carrying around with me since, oh, the first grade. So, it's back to the drawing board, as they say. I just hate all of this. I wish for once in my life I could find something good that makes me happy. Or at least makes me not dread getting out of bed. Perhaps I'm the problem ... or maybe I'm just fed up with this company. My past three jobs have been within the same company, so maybe I just need to make a break and see what the rest of the world has to offer. Or at least the greater Parkersburg-Marietta area. So, please, say a prayer. This is becoming a real problem.
I know this post is getting long, so I'll quit for tonight. My classes end tomorrow, so I'll have all kinds of time to get better at keeping you informed of the goings-on in my world. Until next time, love, peace and chicken grease.
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