Where Have I Been?

In a funk, that's where. A holler-like funk so deep you have to pipe in the sunshine.

N. went home Friday, one day shy of his 13th birthday. It was a difficult day for all involved, for various reasons. This particular situation is wrapped in so many emotions that I don't know where to begin, so I simply won't. I'm trying to master the art of taking one day at a time, to not worry about things until I absolutely have to. That in itself is going to be a big mountain to climb ... but I'm gonna have to do it, else I'm gonna end up driving myself bonkers.

We celebrated N.'s birthday last Sunday. While he and Steve were fishing on the Cranberry River where Steve grew up, I went shopping and found a bunch of Tony Hawk skateboarding clothes on sale at Kohl's, plus a book about rock and roll and another book of devotions for men. We're not really religious people, if you use the traditional sense of the word "religious." Our views are a bit different from some of the things organized churches would have you believe. But N.'s grandfather (Steve's dad) is a pastor, and it means a lot to him. His grandpa gave him a little New Testament Gideon Bible a few years ago, and he still carries it around with him. It's kind of like one of very few things he feels keeps him connected to his family here in West Virginia. It's very sweet ... and sometimes a little sad. Anyway, I wanted him to know that loving God and always trying to do the right thing are good things that we support, so I went ahead and picked up the book. I hope he likes it. I KNOW he loved the clothes. As soon as he opened the boxes he ripped off what he was wearing and put on his new stuff. That made my heart feel good. He's a tough one to read, so I was really worried he wouldn't like what I picked out.

After gifts we took him out for Chinese food, and then back to Kohl's for some more clothes since they were so cheap. Later, he had a few of his new friends from our complex over for homemade cake. We were going to buy him an ice cream cake or a sheet cake from the grocery store, but he requested that it be homemade. This, too, made my heart swell just a little. It reminded me of the time he said he wasn't hungry until he found out we were all going to have breakfast together around the dining room table. Like a family.

That day was one of the best we had all summer. He seemed so happy, and it was really good to see that.

Now he's back in Phoenix, and the real tests begin. We'll see how everything goes.

**My freaking sister just IM-ed me and is trying to reveal information about the last Harry Potter book. I don't care if she's handicapped. I will kill her if she doesn't quit.**

To alleviate some of the post-summer with the kids blues, Steve and I took a lovely drive up to Spruce Knob on Saturday. The day was absolutely gorgeous: blue skies, big, puffy clouds, good music and good company. That was one of the things I missed most when the kids were here ... all the quality time I usually get with Steve. (Though it was a small price to pay for having them here ... which is infintely more important.) We took some really pretty pictures from the observation tower ... the same observation tower Steve tried to get me to pee on. I was stupid and didn't use the restroom in town, and because Spruce Knob is about two thousand miles from anywhere, my bladder, she was a-burstin' by the time we made it to the top. I maintained my dignity, however, choosing instead to crawl under several feet of pine protection to do my business while Steve stood guard. I haven't peed in the woods since I was seven! We met up with Leann and Erin in Elkins for dinner and ice cream ... it was a lot of laughs, as usual!

Today has been ... melancholy, at best. I'm still really, really missing home. It was so beautiful over there yesterday. Beautiful and calm and normal. I didn't want to leave. I'm also feeling a bit blue about my new job. I was so excited about it ... and then I ended up sitting around for six weeks waiting for someone to give me a sales territory. And now ... well, I just don't know. I think perhaps I jumped the gun, made a hasty decision. I'm just not happy with it. A lot of it has to do with the self-doubt I've been carrying around with me since, oh, the first grade. So, it's back to the drawing board, as they say. I just hate all of this. I wish for once in my life I could find something good that makes me happy. Or at least makes me not dread getting out of bed. Perhaps I'm the problem ... or maybe I'm just fed up with this company. My past three jobs have been within the same company, so maybe I just need to make a break and see what the rest of the world has to offer. Or at least the greater Parkersburg-Marietta area. So, please, say a prayer. This is becoming a real problem.

I know this post is getting long, so I'll quit for tonight. My classes end tomorrow, so I'll have all kinds of time to get better at keeping you informed of the goings-on in my world. Until next time, love, peace and chicken grease.