Overwhelmed

Exhausted. Confused. Physically and emotionally drained.

It's been a long four days. As mentioned in previous post, Steve took K1 home Thursday evening. It is now 10:02 p.m. Sunday, and he's not home yet. Almost, but not yet. Another two and a half hours to go. Although I typically cherish the occasional alone time I get, I've spent the past 72 to 94 hours just wishing he would get his ass back here. I don't envy him ... he's the one who had to spend all that time in the car, plus do the hardest thing any parent could ever have to do.

Still. I'm used to being here alone for a few days at a time. This time, though, I technically wasn't alone. N is still here, and I've been watching him for the past four days. It was much better than I anticipated .... much better. Didn't have a single problem, really. We watched movies, went out for dinner a few times, poked around the local bookstore and snuck out for a late-night ice cream cone. He's been relatively quiet, decently respectful and overall pretty darn good. I suspect this new found behavior has something to do with his dad's promise of some new skateboarding equipment in exchange for not provoking me to the point of murder. Suspect? Hell, forget suspect. I know that's what is behind all of this.

Despite this, I feel very weird. Discombobulated. Detached from my ordinary life. Having N here has opened a very large, very smelly and very dirty can of worms that no one was even remotely prepared for. Don't know what to do. Don't know what to think. Don't know where to go. Just don't know. Very scared. Trying to stay/think positive. Curiosity killed the cat, it's told ... and wonder killed its owner.

It's been an emotional weekend for all of us. Lots of tears, for various reasons. K1 had a really hard time when Steve dropped him off. His mom bought a new house, and there was some separation anxiety as a result. (Can't say I blame him ... I once cried for an entire day because my parents got rid of our couch. I believe 'ol K1 and I are quite the peas in the pod.)And then, of course, there was the fact that he was completely wiped out when he finally got home, what after being cooped up in a car for two days. Oh, yeah ... and the fact that he misses his dad. I wish so damn hard there was a clear, sure-fire solution to all of this. But there isn't, and I guess that's why they call it life. Steve talked to him just a little while ago and he finally got calmed down and was sounding like his normal, happy self. We're both relieved. I'm going to send him an e-mail in the next few days, perhaps quizzing him on North Dakota. I swear the kid needs to get a job with that state's tourism department!

I should be doing homework ... but I've been doing homework for the past two days, and at some point, enough is enough. It isn't due until midnight tomorrow, and I'm much farther along this week than I was last week. I've been so distracted ... so many things happening all at once. I can only blame myself ... I signed up for two classes forgetting that they would start the same week the boys arrived, which also happened to be the same week I started my new job. In fact, my classes last the exact duration of N's stay here. They end the weekend he goes home. God, if I can just make it through these last three weeks!

I know I will. I always do. It's not as bad as I like to make it sound. I'm rather dramatic .. .always have been. Guess this way, life is never dull.

Until next time ... !